It wasn’t always that way

I was 14

He was 3 years older

He was interested

Exciting at first, cool

Things start breaking down

He became very angry

He was restrictive,

Controlling, obsessive

My life was arranged around

His needs, wants

This evil person controlled my life

Punching doors and walls

Yelling and yelling, banging

That’s how the relationship changed

It wasn’t always that way

It wasn’t always that way

I didn’t want to kiss him

I didn’t want to touch him

I don’t want to be here

He wanted all those things

It was a horrible night

I don’t want to be here

I was uncomfortable

He wanted me to drink

I don’t want to be here

He wanted to have sex

It was the worst night ever

I don’t want to be here

I wanted to go home

What’s wrong with this picture?

I don’t want to be here

I lied

To my parents

To my friends

They knew something was wrong

Nobody knew exactly

I couldn’t share

I think they would believe me, but

Friends hated him

They hated me

They stopped calling

They didn’t understand

I was so upset

I would just cry

My emotions go to the back of my mind

I’ll deal with them later

I’ll deal with them later

I knew something was wrong

It’s hard to figure that out

I couldn’t get out

I never thought about my future

None of it could happen with him

I couldn’t get out

I thought I could fix him

There’s no time

I couldn’t get out

He threatened suicide

A way to control me

I couldn’t get out

It’s just not that easy

I had to be sure it was safe

Being in his life was safer

It’s safer to stay

We’ve broken up!

No more scenes

No more drama

Freedom to do what I like

It’s all about freedom

Freedom to express myself

Freedom to be honest

Freedom to do what I’d like

He would call

He would show up

He knows

My schedule

My locker

Which door I come in

He didn’t have to say it

It doesn’t matter

how long I know

The threat was always there

The threat was always there

I flash back

Suddenly I cry and

Play out the scene

These incredibly disturbing things

What did I do, what did I do?

Isn’t it over?

Its’ hard now

It’s difficult to think about

My life does not include him

It’s so embarrassing

Isn’t it over?

Doesn’t break-up signify ending?

As long as I was in the relationship

Give me that times 10 to get over it

It’s just really hard

Isn’t it over?

I’m still thinking about it

I met this person

This person who

controlled my life

My entire high school experience

I remember certain things, things

That made an impression

This really made an impression on me

My goal was to change him

Change him in some better way

It wasn’t always that way

It wasn’t always that way

Toscano (2007) Reprinted with permission form the American Journal For Nurse Practitioners